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135. Lucky Vanous

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Oh man, did I find this Diet Coke commercial intolerable growing up. I think my mom even complained to me once about how dumb she thought those women in the commercial were. 

Lucky the Diet Coke Guy shirtless skeeved me out so much. Guys without their shirts on grossed me out when I was a kid. I’m sorry. I look at pictures of him now that I’m an adult, and I realize he’s alright looking. Eleven year old me however was like, “Ew gross!! Stop it!!” 

Lucky was everywhere for a brief time in 1994. 

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See. Everywhere. 

//edit//

I forgot that The Critic parodied Lucky too. ”Time for Marty to drink his Diet Coke!” 

131. Have We Become a Nation of Slobs? (Newsweek, February 20, 1995)

One of my birthday presents I bought myself was the entire bound edition of Newsweek from 1995 off eBay. I was taking the bound issues out of the diaper box they came in to air out because they had 19 years of book funk in them. I was casually flipping through each edition, and I landed on this and it cracked me up:

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mmm, Bill Clinton in those girly short shorts. 

Article: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)

Adler, Jerry. “Have We Become a Nation of Slobs?.” Newsweek, February 20, 1995.

130. My favorite Meshach Taylor scene from “Dave’s World”

Meshach Taylor died, and it absolutely breaks my heart that so many people we enjoyed watching on TV when we were kids are passing away faster than ever. 

While I watched Meshach on Designing Women with my mom when I was in elementary school, I loved him more on Dave’s World, which was Harry Anderson’s post Night Court sitcom in the mid 1990s. He played Shel, Dave Barry’s (Anderson) neighbor, and friend from high school, Shel. My mom and I watched Dave’s World every Friday night when it first debuted. It’s definitely up there with my favorite shows growing up. 

UNFORTUNATELY, my absolute favorite Shel scene isn’t on YouTube. So I have to explain it, which isn’t nearly as fun as watching the clip and laughing at it. I hope I remember all the details. 

Dave’s sons named one of their pets Kenny, after Dave’s friend. Shel complains that the kids never named a pet after him.

This is happening during the weekly poker match between Dave and friends, a fly flies past Dave, Dave slams it on the table and says, “aww, poor Shel!

See, I can’t explain it. All we have on the internet is the scene that goes with Harry’s title card in the opening credits. 

External Links:

Dave’s World DVDs (1,2,3)

129. The Monica Wrap-up (1998-1999)

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(Lumpy Space Princess as Monica Lewinsky, drawn by me, for sale in my etsy shop.) 

Monica’s Drama Teacher

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Shortly after the news broke about Monica Lewinsky, her former drama instructor, Andy J. Bleiler came out saying that Monica had an affair with him. The affair began after she graduated from high school in 1992, and Monica even moved the affair to Portland when she transferred colleges … because Bleiler and his WIFE followed her up there a while later.1 Lewinsky befriended Mrs. Bleiler and would send her items from her internship and work at the White House and Pentagon. Strangely, Monica would also send her used blazers and office attire along with typical touristy Washington DC things:

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Perhaps, the most strange thing Monica sent her was this:

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What.

I can’t find the reason why Monica sent this black nightgown to the wife of the man she was sleeping with.2 Monica also bragged to the couple about her sexual escapades in DC, but always referred to Bill Clinton as “The Creep”. Totally wacky. 

The affair ended in 1997 when his wife found out. I guess whenever Monica had vacation, she’d travel to Oregon and they’d do their thing? Or when she moved to DC it became a phone affair? Who knows. In early 1998, when the allegations broke out, the Bleilers sent everything Monica had ever sent them to Ken Starr’s Associates. 3  In 2013, Bleiler’s now-ex wife put the items up for auction—however the items didn’t even meet the reserve. 4 

In the 1999 Barbara Walters interview, Monica said that Mr. Bleiller was the first man to ever make her feel beautiful, that came into her life during a difficult period when she felt self conscious about her appearance, and made her feel “sensual” about herself. 

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Witnesses to Monica’s behavior

When the story first broke, reporters talked to anybody who even barely knew Monica:

  • Classmates from her high school in Beverly Hills (she grew up in the 90210!) said that she “had gone to a fat farm” and she tried too hard to be popular.
  • A mother of a boy she went “steady” with said that Monica was constantly over at their house, and eventually clinging to the boy’s brother after a breakup.
  • A real estate agent who was showing the house that Monica rented during college remembered her as cold, the house being a mess, and that she kept a container full of condoms next to her bed.
  • People who interned with her at the White House claimed that she would exaggerate her menial tasks such as opening mail at Leon Panetta’s office.
  • The witnesses at her internship also said that she always dressed in low cut tops and one time was even sent home to change by Deputy Chief of Staff Evelyn Liberman for wearing a low-cut white dress. That’s the dress I want to see! I want to see what was so scandalous about it. I mean, most clothes women wore to the office back then would be considered “dumpy” today…ha, I picture it looking something like this, even if I know it didn’t:

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(with the black mesh part being white)

  • Another strange behavior of Monica’s was that she brought George Stephanopoulos coffee and bagels on a regular basis, unrequested.
  • Her lawyer, William Ginsburg noticed that after the President’s State of the Union Address, which happened just a few days after the scandal broke, that Monica said that Clinton did a good job, and that Ginsburg believed that Monica still considered Clinton a friend. 5,6

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Monica & Revlon

Monica had an interview with Revlon in New York on December 30th, 1997. On January 9th, she accepted an informal job offer with the company. On January 21st, Revlon pulled their job offer, the day the scandal broke.7 The President’s friend and adviser, Vernon Jordan set Monica up with the job interview. 

From the Starr Report:

… Ms. Lewinsky interviewed with Allyn Seidman, senior vice president [of Revlon’s parent company]…and two individuals at Revlon. Ms. Lewinsky testified that the interviews went well and that Ms. Seidman called her back that day and “informally offered [her] a position, and [she] informally accepted.”

Ms. Lewinsky then called Mr. Jordan and relayed the good news. When shown records of a seven-minute call at 4:14 p.m., Mr. Jordan testified: “I have to assume that if she got the job and we have a seven-minute conversation and the day before I had talked to the chairman [Ronald Perelman], I have to assume the Jordan magic worked.”

According to Mr. Jordan, he believed that he notified Ms. Currie and the President as soon as he learned that Ms. Lewinsky had obtained an offer: “I am certain that at some point in time I told Betty Currie, ‘Mission accomplished.’” Mr. Jordan testified that he also told the President directly that “Monica Lewinsky’s going to work for Revlon,” and his response was, “Thank you very much.” 8

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Monica’s Mom’s Crazy Tenors Book (pg 36, february 2, 98 newsweek)

Monica’s mom, Marcia Lewis, tried any way possible to get attention. She once tried to get a gossip magazine started with her sister after she divorced Monca’s dad. In 1996, she came out with a bogus book about The Three Tenors, The Private Lives of the Three Tenors: Behind the Scenes With Placido Domingo, Luciano Pavarotti and Jose Carreras.She only knew Domingo “casually”, but she wrote the book as though she knew the behind the scenes, juicy details about his life. Descriptions of the book hints that Lewis tried to hint in the book that she’s had flings with Domingo 9:

There is something starry-eyed about the book’s personal focus and adoring approach, especially in the passages about Domingo. A three-page fantasy scene about an encounter with Domingo was cut from the finished manuscript because it didn’t fit with the rest of the book, Schragis said.

But intimations about sex with a Domingo-like figure remain in the book.

In a chapter titled “Domingo as Don Juan,” Lewis described Domingo as an “hidalgo,” a true Spanish gentleman with a broad romantic streak.

She wrote that hidalgo is Domingo’s favorite Spanish word and then she went on to imagine what an affair with an hidalgo must be like for women lucky enough to have one:

He telephones before the concert, “whispering to protect his famous voice.” They meet late at night after the triumphant concert, his adrenalin still racing from the encores. Later, every message he leaves on her answering machine ends with the words, “For you, darling, a big kiss.” If she travels to New York to meet him, “he fills her suite at the Plaza Hotel with dozens of red roses,” she wrote.

"An hidalgo’s lovemaking would be passionate and romantic, with murmurs of adoration and love, and an expert knowledge of how to pleasure a woman," Lewis wrote. "Is Domingo an hidalgo? Millions of women the world over sincerely believe he is." 10

Monica’s Car Accident

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I noticed that Miss Monica caught the late 1990s SUV bug, back when if you turned your Ford Explorer slightly to the left, it would flip over on the interstate.

That’s what she did. Digging through her purse while driving. 11

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Monica’s Purses

Monica claimed that while she was under legal lockdown in Washington due to legal reasons she learned how to knit and sew. In late 1999 she debuted a purse collection, The Real Monica Inc. Mmm.hmm. 12 13

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There’s nothing special about those purses. I think If I had a sewing machine, even I could make one. The fabrics look like the reject fabrics that sit in the back of an old JoAnn’s.

1. Claiborne, William. “Lewinsky’s Former Teacher Discloses Affair.” The Washington Post, January 28, 1998.

2. Keneally, Meghan. “Lingerie, a personal note from Bill Clinton and White House M&Ms (but not THAT blue dress): One of Monica Lewinsky’s OTHER lovers auctions off a collection of the former intern’s private belongings.” Mail Online. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2347661/Monica-Lewinskys-lingerie-note-Bill-Clinton-auction-THAT-blue-dress.html (accessed June 8, 2014).

3. Hall, Landon. “Teacher admits to affair with White House intern.” The Hour, January 28, 1998.

4. The Washington Post. “Monica Lewinsky auction: Buyer interest fell short.” Washington Post. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/reliable-source/wp/2013/07/01/monica-lewinsky-auction-what-happened/ (accessed June 8, 2014).

5. Isikoff, Michael, and Evan Thomas. “Clinton and the Intern.” Newsweek, February 2, 1998. 33.

6. Ratnesar, Romesh. “The Trouble with Monica.” Time, February 9, 1998. http://www.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/1998/02/02/time/1.ratnesar.html (accessed June 11, 2014).

7. Washington Post, “Time Line,” September 13, 1998. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/clinton/timeline.htm (accessed June 11, 2014).

8. ”An affair of state.” Time, September 21, 1998. http://www.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/time/1998/09/14/affair.state.html (accessed June 11, 2014)

9. Isikoff, Michael, and Evan Thomas. “Clinton and the Intern.” Newsweek, February 2, 1998, 36.

10. Leen, Jeff. “Role Puts Spotlight on Lewinsk’ys Mother.” Washington Post, February 4, 1998. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/clinton/stories/lewis020498.htm (accessed June 16, 2014).

11. Breznican, Anthony. “Monica Lewinsky hurt in car crash.” The Daily Courier, August 2, 1999. (accessed June 19, 2014) 

12. Kedmey, Dan. “Now 40, Monica Lewinsky Guards Her Privacy.” Time, July 23, 2013. http://time.com/6143/now-40-monica-lewinsky-guards-her-privacy/ (accessed June 22, 2014)

13. Hoffman, Ashley. “Let’s All Remember That Time Monica Lewinsky Was a Handbag Designer.” Styleite Lets All Remember That Time Monica Lewinsky Was a Handbag Designer Comments. http://www.styleite.com/news/in-memorium-that-time-monica-lewinsky-was-a-handbag-designer/ (accessed June 23, 2014).

14. "Some Inspiration from The Real Monica." : Some Inspiration from The Real Monica. http://glh3o69.blogspot.com/2012/09/some-inspiration-from-real-monica.html (accessed June 23, 2014).

127. The O.J. wrap up (1994-1995)

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Next month will be 20 years since the infamous white Bronco chase was broadcasted the evening after the last day of elementary school. I remember it came on TV right before mom and I were going to go to bed that night. Vanity Fair's  Lili Anolik has written a thesis about how the O.J. Simpson Bronco Chase, and subsequent murder trial was America’s first modern reality show, and that O.J. essentially killed television as we knew it. I was 11 when the trial started (and 12 when it ended!), and surprisingly the very minor details of the chaos have stayed in my memory. It’s absolutely insane that these little ridiculous events sometimes overshadowed the fact that two people died, and that a woman was constantly at the hands of domestic abuse. 

Ito’s IBM

I actually do remember wondering why Judge Ito had a laptop at his desk during the trial, when I was a kid I thought that laptops were only for the rich.  I couldn’t watch the trial because I was obviously at school, but I thought that Ito typed on his laptop during the trial! Such a dumb kid I was. I remember that it was an IBM, and it was pretty easy to figure out it was an IBM … because it had a BIG HONKING IBM THINK PAD LOGO ON IT

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By late February of 1995, the IBM logo and the Sony logo on Ito’s monitor that could be seen whenever a witness was at the stand caused a stir, and the logos were reduced in size

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This is a long drawn out article about the technology used at the trial, and it also mentions that Ito’s laptop was $6,000. 

For measure, I have a 2007 black MacBook on my desk. It was about $1,000 back in 2008, refurbished. 

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Judge Ito forbidding the tasting of the rainbow in court 

With the O.J. Simpson case in turmoil, Judge Lance Ito is cracking down on candy and gum chewers. The judge yesterday said a hidden camera had caught six candy chompers in the courtroom audience and he threatened to bar them from the trial. He even played a video showing one TV reporter eating Skittles and later scolded her in his chambers. The judge, though, said she could return to court. Ito said his get-tough stance was inspired by TV viewers who called complaining about eating in the courtroom. He also banned note passing and looking side to side. “I’m finding the contortions of certain members of the audience distracting,” he snapped. 4

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Marcia’s Makeover

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Through an 11 year old’s eyes, Marcia Clark looked mean. She looked like the mean teacher everybody heard rumors about in elementary school. The teacher who had guide lines the floor of the classroom, and if you want out of the outline you’d get in trouble. The one who made you do “silent claps” in the classroom after a presentation. The one who wouldn’t give students the free rulers with the Presidents on it that the Encyclopedia company gave away. Yeah, that teacher. 

The press had a field day with Clark’s appearance. Crotchety old Mr. Blackwell took a swing at her appearance at the beginning of the trial:

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Law Consultant Robert Hirschorn theorized that Marcia changed her hairstyle to a straight bob stye to divert attention from one of her witnesses, Dennis Fung who was being grilled on the witness stand. 9  

Larry King accidentally walking in the courtroom

From the Vanity Fair article: 

A tongue-in-cheek quality, too, began to insinuate its way into the proceedings. Take, for example, the curious role of Larry King in the case. After the Bronco chase, King moved Larry King Live, the whole kit and caboodle pretty much, from D.C. to L.A. On any given night, he’d have as guests a member of the prosecution team and a member of the defense team, some journalist or other, always bending over backward to represent both sides. And he was as scrupulously bipartisan in his social life, dating Suzanne Childs, D.A. Garcetti’s director of communications, and Jo-Ellan Dimitrius, the defense team’s jury consultant, simultaneously. (If he ever got desperate for material, he could’ve just mic’d his sheets, filled a couple episodes with pillow talk.) When Nicole Brown Simpson: The Private Diary of a Life Interrupted was released mid-trial, Ito wrote to networks asking that they postpone their interviews with Faye Resnick. King obeyed, canceling Faye’s spot, and Ito, in thanks, told him to drop by sometime. So, during a midmorning break, King entered Ito’s chambers. Ito began musing about a domestic-violence issue he had yet to make a ruling on, revealing to his confused and surprised listener which way he was going to go. Finally, King suggested they wrap it up, since they’d been together for 40 minutes and the break was supposed to last only 15. King followed Ito through a door, which turned out to lead directly into the courtroom. Suddenly, to his shock, King found himself on-camera, a participant in the very trial he was covering. O.J. called out his name and stood to shake hands. “Thanks for being so fair,” Simpson said, pumping King’s fist up and down. Marcia Clark squealed, “I watch you all the time!” So you had both the accused and the lawyer prosecuting the accused acknowledging that they watched the talk-show host who was watching them. 1

Robert Shapiro’s fortune cookies: 

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O.J.’s mom in a 1-800-COLLECT commercial

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This was actually the first thing that happened in the timeline, a few months before the murders. We all remember those stupid 1-800-COLLECT commercials, I want to go more in depth with them later on, but I have to bring up this one now. 

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In the Spring of 1994, there was this absolutely ridiculous 1-800-COLLECT commercial with O.J.’s Mom, Eunice. What? I know, right. She was a good little actress though. However, I remember when I first heard about the murders, I thought, “oh, I bet they take that commercial off the air.” 

1. Anolik, Lili. “It All Began with O. J..” Vanity Fair, June, 2014. http://www.vanityfair.com/society/2014/06/oj-simpson-trial-reality-tv-pop-culture

2. Naparstek, Aaron. “The Chase.” Spin, April, 1995. http://books.google.com/books?id=495Bl1_hMr8C&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=true 

3. Newsweek, April 17, 1995. 

4. Caruso, Michelle , and Jere Hester. “JUDGE ITO’S ON A CRUSADE FOR GUM CONTROL.”New York Daily News, June 8, 1995. http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/news/judge-ito-crusade-gum-control-article-1.678794

5. Saunders, Debra. “The farcical trial of the century.” Sarasota Herald-Tribune, June 19, 1995. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=OOYeAAAAIBAJ&sjid=xHwEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6878%2C5487241

6. Hayslett, Jerrianne. Anatomy of a Trial: Public Loss, Lessons Learned from The People vs. O.J. Simpson. University of Missouri Press, 2008. 53. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0826218229/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0826218229&linkCode=as2&tag=salintthe90sa-20&linkId=QUBNX6YSVO27FYKE

7. Dunne, Dominick. Justice: crimes, trials, and punishments. New York: Crown Publishers, 2001. 202. 

8. Goodman, Ellen. “Professional women face fashion jury.” The Daily Gazette, October 20, 1994.

9. Lythgoe, Dennis. “Fashion and the power of persuasion.”The Desert News, May 17, 1995.

10. Kanner, Bernice. “Long Distance Runaround.” New York Magazine, January 31, 1994, 10.

Eunice Simpson’s obituary from 2001 

126. The Matthew Broderick Film Festival #2: Reviews of “Godzilla” (May, 1998)

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(…I wonder how many of those fake Kangol hats Matthew went through during filming….)

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It’s like the new Godzilla movie was made to make us forget about the Matthew Broderick one from 1998. Why Matthew Broderick? Did they see him in The Cable Guy and go, “THERE’S OUR GUY!

Rifftrax is currently funding a Kickstarter to get the rights to the “Broderick Godzilla” to make fun of it…and yes, they refer to it as, “The one with Matthew Broderick.” :

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Thanks to you, we had a hugely successful Kickstarter last year that funded us to be able to riff STARSHIP TROOPERS live in 700 theaters across North America. The show was a success, and this year we have the opportunity to perform a live riff of one of ourmost requested movies ever – GODZILLA! Yes, the 1998 version with Matthew Broderick!

Matthew really needs to give them a buck. He needs to own up to his bad 1990s movies. 

I have never sat through Godzilla. I don’t think I could handle being bored to death. I did sit through the big scene on YouTube where Matthew chases Godzilla trough NYC and there’s something to do with a sewer and its raining, and he’s wearing that dumb hat? Beth from News Radio was in the movie too, and so is Hank Azaria, which is a real shame. He is a legend, and he was in this junk fest. He’s given us so many Simpsons characters, and he was in … this. Harry Shearer from Simpsons was in it too! Did they just get people from whatever was on TV that week they were hiring? 

I’m using the rest of entry to focus on the awesomely bad reviews of the movie. 

Ted Anthony, Associated Press:

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Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

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Diane Lacey Allen, Lakeland Ledger:

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Joe Baltake, Scripps-McClatchy Western Service:

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Roger Ebert:

How, for example, does a 300-foot-tall creature fit inside a subway tunnel? How come it’s sometimes only as tall as the tunnel, and at other times taller than high-rise office buildings? How big is it, anyway? Why can it breathe fire but hardly ever makes use of this ability? Why, when the heroes hide inside the Park Avenue tunnel, is this tunnel too small for Godzilla to enter, even though it is larger than a subway tunnel? And why doesn’t Godzilla just snort some flames down there and broil them? Most monster movies have at least one bleeding-heart environmentalist to argue the case of the monstrous beast, but here we get only Niko Tatopoulos (Matthew Broderick), an expert on the mutant earthworms of Chernobyl, who seems less like a scientist than like a place-holder waiting for a rewrite (“insert more interesting character here”). It is he who intuits that Godzilla is a female. (You would think that if a 300-foot monster were male, that would be hard to miss, but never mind.) 

[…]

Oh, and then there are New York’s Mayor Ebert (gamely played byMichael Lerner) and his adviser, Gene (Lorry Goldman). The mayor of course makes every possible wrong decision (he is against evacuating Manhattan, etc.), and the adviser eventually gives thumbs-down to his reelection campaign. These characters are a reaction by Emmerich and Devlin to negative Siskel and Ebert reviews of their earlier movies (“Stargate,” “Independence Day”), but they let us off lightly; I fully expected to be squished like a bug by Godzilla. Now that I’ve inspired a character in a Godzilla movie, all I really still desire is for several Ingmar Bergman characters to sit in a circle and read my reviews to one another in hushed tones. 5

Gene Siskel:

In one bit of dialogue, we are told, as Godzilla trashes Manhattan, that looters have emptied out the Disney and Warner Bros. stores on 57th Street. But we never see that happen, thus blowing a naturally comic sequence — Godzilla mauling assorted plush toys.

[…]

In a form of myopic revenge, producer/co-writer Dean Devlin has included a hackneyed couple of characters, New York Mayor Ebert and sidekick Gene, because he told USA Today that the critics haven’t liked his previous work. I’m not amused, and the reference seems petty within the context of this huge enterprise. 6

Mark Caro, Chicago Tribune:

. The media manipulation surrounding its opening can be no coincidence. First, the 139-minute movie’s first screening for critics was scheduled for 9 p.m. Monday, which pushes certain newspapers (including this one) to the deadline brink to get a review into a features section on Wednesday.

Then with days’ notice, Tri-Star moved the opening from Wednesday to Tuesday night, meaning that either the public could run out to the theaters with no advance word—just as they could for other not-screened movies like “Species II” and Carrot Top’s “Chairman of the Board”—or newspapers would scramble to get in a last-minute review. (The Tribune was able to run a Tuesday review because Los Angeles-based staff writer Gary Dretzka had seen an industry screening before Monday.)

Rushed reviews would work to the studio’s advantage if: 1) writers are composing while coming down from the movie’s adrenaline rush (too bad “Godzilla” becomes stupefyingly boring), and 2) they don’t have time to think of all the Mothra-sized holes in the plot. Like:

Why is Godzilla fast enough to duck missiles shot from airplanes and submarines yet unable to catch up to humans in a taxi or hoofing it?

Could humans really fend off these oversized lizards by slamming doors in their faces and, in one case, tying a fire hose around the handles?

If you were using a mountain of fish to lure Godzilla into a trap, would you place it in the middle of Manhattan, where each monster step and tail sweep causes massive destruction, instead of, say, by the water?

Scientific explanation aside, are we really supposed to buy that a home pregnancy test would work on a genetically mutated lizard?

Why, oh why, do they keep firing guns at him?

[…]

Here’s a sampling of what characters say before they bite it:

"I think we got him."

"I think I lost him."

I think that’s a good wrapup on the awful reviews for this movie. I do however, have a special bonus: the poorly recorded monologue when Matthew was on SNL promoting Godzilla! I recorded it off my screen those 3 days I had Hulu Plus when I was writing the SNL Fashion Show entry last year. 

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(ha, when I opened up YouTube to upload these, I got an ad for the new Godzilla movie)

1. Anthony, Ted. “‘Godzilla’: Big Movie Has Little Soul.”Observer-Reporter, May 20, 1998. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=d2teAAAAIBAJ&sjid=cGENAAAAIBAJ&pg=1440,2335018 (accessed May 15, 2014).

2. Norman, Tony. “‘Godzilla’ is another case of the bigger they come….” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, May 20, 1998. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1129&dat=19980520&id=IIRIAAAAIBAJ&sjid=O28DAAAAIBAJ&pg=6803,6705441 (accessed May 15, 2014).

3. Allen, Diane Lacey. “Area Movie-Goers Love That Big Lizard.” Lakeland Ledger, May 22, 1998. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1346&dat=19980522&id=y09IAAAAIBAJ&sjid=NP0DAAAAIBAJ&pg=2820,1178718 (accessed May 15, 2014).

4. Baltake, Joe. “It’s Godzilla—over and over again.”Lewiston Morning Tribute, May 22, 1998. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=yKteAAAAIBAJ&sjid=tS4MAAAAIBAJ&pg=2821,1758030 (accessed May 15, 2014).

5. Ebert, Roger. rogerebert.com, “Godzilla Movie Review & Film Summary (1998) | Roger Ebert.” Last modified May 26, 1998. Accessed May 16, 2014. http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/godzilla-1998.

6. Siskel, Gene. “`Godzilla’ Scores Low On Scare Scale.”Chicago Tribune, May 29, 1998. http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-05-29/entertainment/9805290144_1_godzilla-jay-billington-bulworth-hollywood-hairdresser (accessed May 16, 2014).

7. Caro, Mark. “If Size Matters, `Godzilla’ Is Really A Monster.” Chicago Tribune, May 20, 1998. http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-05-20/features/9805200039_1_godzilla-roland-emmerich-and-producer-movie (accessed May 16, 2014).

125. Siskel & Ebert’s worst of 1996 

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I will forever associate that cheezy opening with Perfect Strangers. I mean, can’t you hear the theme song to Perfect Strangers when you watch the opening? I mean… 

(yeah, I made that video in about 5 minutes in iMovie) 

Ok, so Siskel & Ebert’s worst of 1996 [2] (“We want to kill them as they’re coming out on home video!” says Gene)  was:

  • Jingle All The Way (“put that cookie down! down! put that cookie down!”)
  • Jack (isn’t that one of Michelle’s friends from Full House in the clip?)
  • Striptease (Remember my entry about the teacher who let his students watch Striptease?)
  • The Cable Guy (Don’t forget that awful basketball scene!)
  • Black Sheep (The first movie Gene walked out on. Did you know that this past fall, Walmart sold Black Sheep notebooks for back to school season? My Walmart in Petersburg, Virginia still has them on clearance.)
  • High School High (my husband Jon Lovitz!)
  • Happy Gilmore
  • Getting Away With Murder (I would actually try to watch this one.)
  • The Ghost and the Darkness (Kilmer pre-washup)
  • Last Man Standing
  • Daylight (I might watch this one too, I love cheezy disaster films, but you can never understand what Stallone is saying.) 
  • Fled 
  • Kazaam 
  • Larger Than Life (Owning an elephant? Simpsons did it!)
  • Joe’s Apartment (I’ve been meaning to bring up Joe’s Apartment forever. While I’ve never seen the movie, I sat through that “Funky Towel" music video on MTV about 500 times the Summer before 8th grade.)
  • House Arrest 
  • Mad Dog Time (Gene’s number one pick for worst of 1996. A movie I’ve never read about, or even seen a commercial for.) 
  • Little Indian Big City (Roger’s number one pick. I think I remember this one from the I Hated Hated Hated Hated this Movie book of Roger’s. Or was that Jungle 2 Jungle? WAIT. Wasn’t Jungle 2 Jungle the American version of Little Indian? I tackled my broken bookshelf and found my copy of the book, and yes indeed, he brings both of the movies up. I like it when my books help me.*)

I miss Siskel & Ebert so much. They were taken away from us way too soon. They are what I wish the boyfriend I will never have would be like. Please check out gradepoint’s YouTube channel to see more Siskel & Ebert. 

*=I actually had an Amazon Associates box on the sidebar with all the books and movies I’ve mentioned and other things, but either I accidentally deleted it, or Amazon did. I’m slowly trying to rebuild it. 

124. Kitchen of the 1980s and 1990s

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(Working Mother, March 1980 source)

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(Working Mother, July 1988 source)

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Service Merchandise salespaper, February 3, 1989 (source)

I got a vintage Cuisinart food processor for Christmas, and that’s what inspired this post. 

I don’t think the prices have changed that much. Kitchen Aid mixers and Cuisinarts are still crazy expensive. I remember QVC used to sell those roasters all the time.

I’ve never mentioned that when I was 8, I was obsessed with watching QVC every afternoon after school, and on the weekends. I liked watching the kitchen stuff, and of course the toys, but NOT when Bob Boringsox was on selling things. 

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Molly McButter, which is this salt-like seasoning that’s supposed to taste like butter, for people who can’t have butter due to health reasons, but yet its totally ok for them to dump Maltodextrin, Salt, Butter Flavor and Butter, Cornstarch, Buttermilk Solids, Tricalcium Phosphate, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil*, and Extract of Annatto (Color) on food.  Over 10,000 people on Facebook like Molly McButter. 

"You’ve got Molly now" amuses me due to the word "Molly" taking a whole other meaning this decade. 

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(source)

Juice boxes hit the shelves in the United States in the early 1980s

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(Working Mother, March 1980 source)

At least 2 in 5 grandmas had Centrum or their prescription vitamins on the windowsill above the sink in their kitchen.

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(Working Mother, 1988 source)

Make n shake salad dressing. I remember growing up always seeing the Good Seasonings bottles at the thrift store. 

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(Working Mother, July 1988 source)

Food in Zip-Pak packaging, with Hot Dogs being the first packaged. Now everything is packaged like this, and sometimes impossible to close.

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THE RUBBERMAID COOLER DIVISION! TOO COOL. (source)

Your mom had everything Rubbermaid. 

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Softsoap at the sink, with either the cow or the goose on the bottle. Liquid hand soap was a luxury my house didn’t have until the late 90s. We always just used the small widdled down pieces from the bathtub to wash our hands with in the bathroom. I guess we used dishsoap in the kitchen? 

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Corningware Visions cookware. Theres always this speculation online that the Visions cookware can explode in times of extreme conditions if the glassware was scratched. Snopes can’t even give a real clear answer, just some common sense tips on how to prevent breakage with glass cookware. 

The Vermont Country Store is selling it now.

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Black & Decker Spacemaker appliances So futuristic. 

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A little TV. Did anybody in real life have a small TV in their kitchen? I always saw them on sitcoms and in commercials, but never knew anybody who actually had a TV in their kitchen.

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I noticed on Bob’s Burgers, the Belchers have a TV in their kitchen, and that’s what reminded me to bring it up here. 

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A Wok. Either the Great Wok of China (2), or the one from the infomercial where the guy plugs Kikkoman soy sauce the whole time (which I can’t find on YouTube). If you wanted to throw authenticity totally out the door, you could have an electric wok. For that one tme you tried sir fry. Everybody was stir frying in the early 90s it seems. I think we thought it was healthier, right?  

Did anybody ever use that bamboo cleaning brush? Seems like it would get .. smelly real easily. I forgot the bamboo cleaning brush existed until I watched that commercial on YouTube.

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"Convenient ‘Start’ button"

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Without a doubt, the hottest appliance in the kitchen in the 1980s and early 1990s was the Microwave. Of course, of course, we flew too close to the sun back then and we thought we could cook whole chickens and the Thanksgiving turkey in the Microwave (more on that later).

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Or in Gilbert Gottfried’s case in the .gif above, chicken nuggets that were not soggy. 

123. JFK Jr’s ridiculous hat

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"Poster Boy for Poster Boy Behavior." Spy, March 1, 1998. http://books.google.com/books?id=24tXv1nFv40C&printsec=frontcover#v=twopage&q&f=true

122. Larry Bird’s mustache

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Often parodied, never duplicated. Often scared me when seeing old basketball clips on TV.