Seen in a KMart salespaper from July 30, 1985. Can you imagine the poor sap who wore this on campus the first day of college?
Seen in a KMart salespaper from July 30, 1985. Can you imagine the poor sap who wore this on campus the first day of college?
(…I wonder how many of those fake Kangol hats Matthew went through during filming….)
It’s like the new Godzilla movie was made to make us forget about the Matthew Broderick one from 1998. Why Matthew Broderick? Did they see him in The Cable Guy and go, “THERE’S OUR GUY!”
Rifftrax is currently funding a Kickstarter to get the rights to the “Broderick Godzilla” to make fun of it…and yes, they refer to it as, “The one with Matthew Broderick.” :
Thanks to you, we had a hugely successful Kickstarter last year that funded us to be able to riff STARSHIP TROOPERS live in 700 theaters across North America. The show was a success, and this year we have the opportunity to perform a live riff of one of ourmost requested movies ever – GODZILLA! Yes, the 1998 version with Matthew Broderick!
Matthew really needs to give them a buck. He needs to own up to his bad 1990s movies.
I have never sat through Godzilla. I don’t think I could handle being bored to death. I did sit through the big scene on YouTube where Matthew chases Godzilla trough NYC and there’s something to do with a sewer and its raining, and he’s wearing that dumb hat? Beth from News Radio was in the movie too, and so is Hank Azaria, which is a real shame. He is a legend, and he was in this junk fest. He’s given us so many Simpsons characters, and he was in … this. Harry Shearer from Simpsons was in it too! Did they just get people from whatever was on TV that week they were hiring?
I’m using the rest of entry to focus on the awesomely bad reviews of the movie.
Ted Anthony, Associated Press:
Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:
Diane Lacey Allen, Lakeland Ledger:
Joe Baltake, Scripps-McClatchy Western Service:
How, for example, does a 300-foot-tall creature fit inside a subway tunnel? How come it’s sometimes only as tall as the tunnel, and at other times taller than high-rise office buildings? How big is it, anyway? Why can it breathe fire but hardly ever makes use of this ability? Why, when the heroes hide inside the Park Avenue tunnel, is this tunnel too small for Godzilla to enter, even though it is larger than a subway tunnel? And why doesn’t Godzilla just snort some flames down there and broil them? Most monster movies have at least one bleeding-heart environmentalist to argue the case of the monstrous beast, but here we get only Niko Tatopoulos (Matthew Broderick), an expert on the mutant earthworms of Chernobyl, who seems less like a scientist than like a place-holder waiting for a rewrite (“insert more interesting character here”). It is he who intuits that Godzilla is a female. (You would think that if a 300-foot monster were male, that would be hard to miss, but never mind.)
Oh, and then there are New York’s Mayor Ebert (gamely played byMichael Lerner) and his adviser, Gene (Lorry Goldman). The mayor of course makes every possible wrong decision (he is against evacuating Manhattan, etc.), and the adviser eventually gives thumbs-down to his reelection campaign. These characters are a reaction by Emmerich and Devlin to negative Siskel and Ebert reviews of their earlier movies (“Stargate,” “Independence Day”), but they let us off lightly; I fully expected to be squished like a bug by Godzilla. Now that I’ve inspired a character in a Godzilla movie, all I really still desire is for several Ingmar Bergman characters to sit in a circle and read my reviews to one another in hushed tones. 5
In one bit of dialogue, we are told, as Godzilla trashes Manhattan, that looters have emptied out the Disney and Warner Bros. stores on 57th Street. But we never see that happen, thus blowing a naturally comic sequence — Godzilla mauling assorted plush toys.
In a form of myopic revenge, producer/co-writer Dean Devlin has included a hackneyed couple of characters, New York Mayor Ebert and sidekick Gene, because he told USA Today that the critics haven’t liked his previous work. I’m not amused, and the reference seems petty within the context of this huge enterprise. 6
Mark Caro, Chicago Tribune:
. The media manipulation surrounding its opening can be no coincidence. First, the 139-minute movie’s first screening for critics was scheduled for 9 p.m. Monday, which pushes certain newspapers (including this one) to the deadline brink to get a review into a features section on Wednesday.
Then with days’ notice, Tri-Star moved the opening from Wednesday to Tuesday night, meaning that either the public could run out to the theaters with no advance word—just as they could for other not-screened movies like “Species II” and Carrot Top’s “Chairman of the Board”—or newspapers would scramble to get in a last-minute review. (The Tribune was able to run a Tuesday review because Los Angeles-based staff writer Gary Dretzka had seen an industry screening before Monday.)
Rushed reviews would work to the studio’s advantage if: 1) writers are composing while coming down from the movie’s adrenaline rush (too bad “Godzilla” becomes stupefyingly boring), and 2) they don’t have time to think of all the Mothra-sized holes in the plot. Like:
Why is Godzilla fast enough to duck missiles shot from airplanes and submarines yet unable to catch up to humans in a taxi or hoofing it?
Could humans really fend off these oversized lizards by slamming doors in their faces and, in one case, tying a fire hose around the handles?
If you were using a mountain of fish to lure Godzilla into a trap, would you place it in the middle of Manhattan, where each monster step and tail sweep causes massive destruction, instead of, say, by the water?
Scientific explanation aside, are we really supposed to buy that a home pregnancy test would work on a genetically mutated lizard?
Why, oh why, do they keep firing guns at him?
Here’s a sampling of what characters say before they bite it:
"I think we got him."
"I think I lost him."
I think that’s a good wrapup on the awful reviews for this movie. I do however, have a special bonus: the poorly recorded monologue when Matthew was on SNL promoting Godzilla! I recorded it off my screen those 3 days I had Hulu Plus when I was writing the SNL Fashion Show entry last year.
(ha, when I opened up YouTube to upload these, I got an ad for the new Godzilla movie)
1. Anthony, Ted. “‘Godzilla’: Big Movie Has Little Soul.”Observer-Reporter, May 20, 1998. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=d2teAAAAIBAJ&sjid=cGENAAAAIBAJ&pg=1440,2335018 (accessed May 15, 2014).
2. Norman, Tony. “‘Godzilla’ is another case of the bigger they come….” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, May 20, 1998. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1129&dat=19980520&id=IIRIAAAAIBAJ&sjid=O28DAAAAIBAJ&pg=6803,6705441 (accessed May 15, 2014).
3. Allen, Diane Lacey. “Area Movie-Goers Love That Big Lizard.” Lakeland Ledger, May 22, 1998. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1346&dat=19980522&id=y09IAAAAIBAJ&sjid=NP0DAAAAIBAJ&pg=2820,1178718 (accessed May 15, 2014).
4. Baltake, Joe. “It’s Godzilla—over and over again.”Lewiston Morning Tribute, May 22, 1998. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=yKteAAAAIBAJ&sjid=tS4MAAAAIBAJ&pg=2821,1758030 (accessed May 15, 2014).
5. Ebert, Roger. rogerebert.com, “Godzilla Movie Review & Film Summary (1998) | Roger Ebert.” Last modified May 26, 1998. Accessed May 16, 2014. http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/godzilla-1998.
6. Siskel, Gene. “`Godzilla’ Scores Low On Scare Scale.”Chicago Tribune, May 29, 1998. http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-05-29/entertainment/9805290144_1_godzilla-jay-billington-bulworth-hollywood-hairdresser (accessed May 16, 2014).
7. Caro, Mark. “If Size Matters, `Godzilla’ Is Really A Monster.” Chicago Tribune, May 20, 1998. http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-05-20/features/9805200039_1_godzilla-roland-emmerich-and-producer-movie (accessed May 16, 2014).
I guess the internet replaced this through the years. Also, there would be no way you could take this class if you get motion sick from looking at documents on a moving train I’d imagine.
"All aboard for education ." The Post and Courier, September 21, 1993. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=MF5SAAAAIBAJ&sjid=FDcNAAAAIBAJ&pg=4771,2336691 (accessed March 13, 2014).
She looks like the inspiration for Charlene Matlock, either pilot Charlene Matlock, or Linda Purl Charlene Matlock, choose one:
Everything for your yuppie kitchen.
Aw, nobody likes this candy. Not even in 1980. Also, deadmalls.com dead mall, Northridge Mall.
I am so bothered by the Bone Fone, its the definition of ridiculousness. I think this was right before the Walkman hit it big, so these were probably mildly popular for about 2 months.
EVERY discount store had their own bear back in the 1980s and 1990s. I had one from Kmart that had a little sweater dress from 1990. The reason why I knew it was from 1990 was because it said so on her sweater.
I didn’t know that people still bought Atari’s in 1987.
See, there were stores open on Thanksgiving long before this decade. Eugene Register-Guard - Nov 23, 1988 3
KMart’s Black Friday paper, Lawrence Journal-World - Nov 24, 1994 4
Aw, remember cartoony drawings of pilgrims?
"It ain’t over ‘til its over!" Observer-Reporter - Nov 25, 1987 7
The Coca-Cola bottlers thank every.single.store in Bangor. Bangor Daily News - Nov 24, 1997 9
DON’T PUT THE TURKEY IN THE MICROWAVE. The Albany Herald - Nov 19, 1984 10
"Americans Mark Day of Kennedy Assassination."Schenectady Gazette, November 22, 1983. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=2AwhAAAAIBAJ&sjid=HnQFAAAAIBAJ&pg=6505,1471447 (accessed November 25, 2013).
This was on the front page of the Schenectady Gazette. Front page! It wasn’t even a local story!
"Pardners no more." Schenectady Gazette, November 20, 1987. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=XmpGAAAAIBAJ&sjid=_OgMAAAAIBAJ&pg=1036,4975939 (accessed November 20, 2013).
Wax Carter looks devastated.
This was on the same page, and I have to share it too:
The Sumter Daily Item, November 6, 1980. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=W2IlAAAAIBAJ&sjid=qKoFAAAAIBAJ&pg=3416,885123 (accessed November 6, 2013).
Harsh title, but that’s what he did!
It seems like everybody that has been on the internet long enough knows about Budd Dwyer, the man who shot himself to death during a televised speech in which he was resigning his post as State Treasurer of Pennsylvania. Those who dare have seen the gory video, or those who are squeamish have at least seen the countless press photos of him waving his gun around at the meeting, or just watched the animated .gif of his death (even if its just a gif and shows no blood, I guess it could shock some people, so warning).
Dwyer was resigning because he was caught taking bribes from a California company that was trying to gain a contract to compensate state workers who overpaid federal taxes. Dwyer claimed that he was framed, but nevertheless he was convicted and forced to step down as treasurer.
The day before his sentencing, he scheduled a news conference in which the local media came. After a long speech that some described as “rambling”, Dwyer handed envelopes to his closest co workers, and then took out one final envelope. A gun filled envelope. We all know the rest, how he lay in a puddle of his own blood, it gushing out of his nose, looking more like a bloodied, disheveled, David Crosby than the man who was speaking just seconds earlier.
I wanted to know how the newspapers across America handled the coverage of Dwyer’s action. What pictures did they decide to publish, if any? Did their local news that evening show the entire video of him shooting himself?
Reading Eagle, Reading, Pennsylvania:
The Dispatch, Lexington, North Carolina:
This is the photo most newspapers on Google Newspapers went with.
Observer-Reporter, Washington Monongahela, Pennsylvania:
The Junction City Daily Union, Geary County, Kansas:
Lewiston Morning Tribune, Lewiston, Idaho/Clarkston, Washington:
These two papers went with the final moment.
Lodi News-Sentinel, Lodi, California:
The Miami News, Miami, Florida:
Ocala Star-Banner, Ocala, Florida:
The Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wisconsin:
The Mount Airy News, Mount Airy, North Carolina:
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Pittsburgh, PA
This paper was the first paper I saw that actually showed a pic of Dwyer dead. The microfilm copy was in horrible shape though.
Pittsburgh Press, Pittsburgh, PA:
Sarasota News Herald, Sarasota, Florida:
This was the first paper I saw that showed the pic of him immediately after shooting himself, but before he hit the floor.
The Nashua Telegraph, Nashua, New Hampshire:
Out of all the 1980s newspapers in Google Newspapers, this was the only one I found with a clear picture of Dwyer dead.
Telegraph Herald, Dubuque, Iowa:
Budd Dwyer at Encyclopedia Dramatica (NSFW!!) ED calls Dwyer “the greatest man to ever live”.
"An Honest Man" Documentary about Dwyer.
Filter’s “Hey Man NIce Shot” video - Filter’s song they wrote about Dwyer.
///edit, June 7 2013//
I decided to go locally for this series, unlike the Reading Eagle series I did a few months ago. 1994 was around the time I began to become a regular reader of the newspaper, and that Summer was the Summer before I began middle school, and you know, everything changes once you hit middle school.
Oh, sidenote. When I was gathering these materials back in October, I got the flu from this guy who was beside me at the microfilms who hacking a lung. So, you better appreciate this.
Heh, I remember this lady’s giant Gumby being stolen!
There was another section the paper used to do called, “She said it”, and this is what the lady said about her Gumby:
"He has his own room in the house. We bring him outside for special occasions."
I remember the stupid phone card craze, and at Spenser’s there would have a display of phone cards with every TV show that was popular at the time on them.
I loved to read the personal ads in the paper when I was a kid. Hey, it was the closest thing to trashy romance novels or pay per view us kids had back then. We didn’t have the “casual encounters" section of Craigslist to read then. (click to see larger)
heh. ~~**the FUTURE**~~ :
I believe this is part of a CompUSA sales ad, due to the Apple Quadra for sale. Check out that weird tablet thingy Compaq made.
I love this article about an energy drink Gatorade test marketed that summer in some areas, even if the product was about 10 years too early. For modern reference, an 8.5 oz can of Red Bull has 80mg of caffeine 1.
Heh, sometimes you get your hands on a really derpy microfilm printer, and it prints awesome artwork like these men in their underwear.
I only scanned this, because I mean … when was the last time you saw a coupon for Jean Naté?
I don’t think it should be a crowning achievement to look like the Big Boy. Sorry.
Honesty time here. I always thought Les in Funky Winkerbean back then looked cute. Yeah, I know a character in a pretty terrible comic strip.
Les looks all creepy now that the strip jumped 10 years back in 2007.
Also, the Luann Flag Girl strip. Precursor to Meg on Family Guy.
…now you’ll be somewhere else when the boys don’t call.
"Lawyer wins his messy case" in a "Messiest Office in America" contest. ‘Dude looks like if Costanza kept his hair, and was an amazing success instead of a horrible failure.
GUMBY WAS REUNITED WITH HIS MOMMY AND DADDY.